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  • Doily Allergen

How To Tell If That Confused-Looking Kid is a Freshmen or a Sophomore


confused student

Well it’s that time of year again — the swarm of backpack-clad students has once again regained its iron-like grasp on downtown Iowa City and most of us have probably threatened to drop out and move out west anywhere between one and three and times by now. With classes starting up again you’re bound to see some familiar faces, as well as the confused faces of the somewhere between 18 to 20 demographic. If you find yourself asking how to tell the difference between the confused freshmen and sophomores this year, you’re not alone.


The first difference you can learn to spot between freshman and sophmores is arrogance. Sophomores have developed a certain confidence after spending a year on campus that will be quickly taken away and replaced with apathy, stress, and an impending sense of reality within a few short months. This can be harder to spot right now after a year of online classes, but train your eye and soon it will be second nature.


The second essential difference between freshmen and sophomore is that freshmen tend to travel in large groups of 10-20 people they have met in their dorm, and whom they are convinced will be their lifelong friends. Don’t get in the middle of these groups by any means, they are essential to the freshman’s survival on campus and if separated from their pack the freshman have the potential to become violent and hostile. On a similar note, do not suggest the freshman may make other friends or lose contact with the people in their dorm. Simply observe and note their status as freshmen and continue on your way.


A third step you can take if absolutely necessary is following the suspected freshman/sophomore home from class to see whether or not they live on campus. While this is a surefire way to get the answers you so desperately crave, it should absolutely be saved as a last resort. This method is usually frowned upon as stalking is a felony in the state of Iowa. That being said, if you find yourself in desperate times make sure you stay fifty feet behind at all times, only stalk after dark, and black clothing works best.


Whatever you do, don’t talk to the confused student to try and gage their year. The last thing you need is to get sucked into that conversation. If you think doing time for a felony charge is bad, try entering a conversation with a first year screenwriting major that 45 minutes later you realize you have no idea how to leave. Our expert opinion, risk the felony.

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