“I Am Immune!” Declares Fully Vaccinated Student With 3 STI’s
Good news was shared by local finance major, James Adrian, as the fully vaccinated student now claims he is back to full health, disregarding his 3 sexually transmitted infections.
“It just feels good knowing I can go out and live life again,” says Adrian. “I no longer have to worry about contracting COVID or any virus for that matter. I am completely immune.”
Adrian’s doctor confirmed his patient’s full bill of health.
“Adrian should be all set for a relatively healthy summer,” says Dr. Nathan Schlutter. “I say relatively because he still can’t urinate without feeling like his penis is on fire. Other than that he’s in peak physical condition.”
Previous partners of Adrian were ecstatic to hear of their former lover’s health status.
“I’m so happy for him,” says Adrian’s former lover, Adelaide Bass. “As we all know he’s never been too concerned about using protection, so at least now he doesn’t have to pretend that he forgot to bring a mask.”
Adrian says he plans to take full advantage of his immunity to the COVID-19 virus by “doing all the things and people I wasn’t able to last year.”