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  • Doily Allergen

Iowa City Businesses: “Which Fucking Sign Are We Supposed To Have Up Right Now?


too many signs

In a press release, more than 50 Iowa City business owners admitted that they were absolutely clueless as to what sign they were supposed to put up in their windows this month.

“We know that Black Lives Matter, and we know that it’s Pride Month. We got the signs for those covered. There’s also still a pandemic going on, right? But no one seems to be focusing on that anymore, so we aren’t sure if those university ‘We Stand Together’ placards are worth keeping up. That’s valuable window space that could be used for a new sign about the Summer of the Arts shit going on.”


IC businesses conceded that they “couldn’t care less” about the signs they put up, because their messages were “obvious, basic things”.


“Of course black lives matter. Of course we want to support and serve our LGBT+ customers. And why would we not want everyone to stay safe and healthy? Honestly, the main reason we put up these half-assed 8.5 x 11 printouts is so you guys don’t smash our windows in and loot everything in the store. Except the ones about the Summer of the Arts. That shit rules, and you guys should check out their virtual concerts coming up.”

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