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  • Doily Allergen

Iowa City Grandma Stages Murder, “So You’ll Call for Once”

grandma with pan

On February 14th, after a lovely afternoon spent in the throes of Valentine’s Day, several couples strolling past a nearby apartment complex heard a scream split the air. Across the hall from the source of the sound, a young man stopped mid-breakup to run over and check on his favorite elderly neighbor.

Inside, he found a horror show. Blood everywhere. In her hair, on her couches, splattered on several ugly-ass cats.

What ended up being a situation presented by grandkids not calling her enough, started off as a grandmother who used the genius idea of staging her murder so said grandkids, “Will just call for once.” And as the local paramedics were rolling her “corpse” up into the ambulance and the ICPD took written reports from witnesses as to how she died, Myrtle Yane was rolling in her prematurely dug grave as she pulled off this excellent scheme.

When we asked what was her reason for staging the murder, she said, “All it took was faking being stabbed to death and, well, now my grandkids are here!”

Yane said she waited in the ambulance to be carted away, she carefully unzipped the body bag to see if anyone had shown up and found her children and their grandkids standing outside the apartment weeping. With glee she jumped out of the ambulance, still drenched with dried fake blood and surprisingly realistic gash wounds on her neck, and embraced her family with open, gruesome arms.

“I’m a little scared of her, honestly,” her grandson, Mike, said. “Like, that’s fucked up. I don’t care how old you are.”

We asked a few of Myrtle’s kids about the situation and her daughter, May, replied, “She used to do this shit all the time when we were kids. I have no idea why I fell for it again. I should’ve just yelled at my kids more to call her.”

Myrtle herself was “pretty pleased” with the act and enjoyed dinner with her family the next night.


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