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  • Doily Allergen

Iowa City Police To Feature Solidarity Cardboard Cutout

woman and police

To make sure every protester gets a “fun photo op with one of the boys,” the Iowa City Police Department has created, sworn in, and displayed a carnival-style cutout of a kneeling officer with an area for demonstrators to pose.

“It takes a lot of time to get in and out of riot gear,” said Chief Cambell, the officer in charge of the project. “This new cutout will not only increase efficiency for protesters out here trying to get likes with a well-lit Instagram selfie of them ‘making history,’ but it will also allow more of our sentient officers to spend time patrolling the streets for vandals and looters. We are obviously still making up our minds about how much solidarity we should show, so in case we decide to escalate things, ole’ Cardboard Joe will be out here staying nice and peaceful. We still might equip him with tear gas, just in case some taggers come by.”

Campbell is in the process of getting his next idea approved, a “Sheriff Kaluse” at The Coral Ridge Mall. “It’s like Santa, but with more danger,” Campbell said. “Already a six-year-old boy named Luke wished for us to demilitarize the department and spend the money on education and public outreach. How precious. We told him the best we could do is get him a Build-a-Bear dressed in riot gear.”

Anyone getting their picture by the police cutout is encouraged to use the hashtag #alllivesmatterIC so they can find you and follow you back, maybe even check in once in a while just to see if you’re breaking any laws.


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