Iowa City Pools Are Closed This Summer: Here Are 5 Places You Can Still Swim
All Iowa City pools will be closed for the summer, which some residents have called “an infringement on their Constitutional rights” and other, less stupid residents have called “a bummer.” Luckily, there are other places where residents can still swim, sun tan, or do the George Washington hairstyle thing where you get your hair all wet and then flip it back so it curls like those powdered wigs.
1. The Hydraulics Laboratory
Once you get past the hydrodynamic research equipment and massive industrial ceiling fans, UI’s Hydraulics Laboratory is a lot like a water park. Giant tubes carrying various fluids and chemicals are sure to make a fun little slide for both kids and adults! Depending on what kind of substances you are exposed to here, your skin will have an interesting reaction. Maybe it’ll help against sunburn. Never say summer can’t be educational!
2. Ped Mall Splash Pad
While technically not a splash pad or water feature anymore, the plaza outside of The Graduate really should be a high-octane Schlitterbahn. So bring your own water and make the fun! By emptying out water bottles onto the ground, you can avoid having the shit burned out of your feet and recreate the effect of a luke-warm baby pool, or shower when it floods a tiny bit because your hair gets caught in the drain. Bonus tip: you can mimic a splash pad fountain by having a small child lie down and spit water into the air.
3. This Guy’s Pool
A hidden treasure tucked away at 4189 Summit Street, this guy’s pool seems pretty fun. Looks like whoever lives here just redid the interior tile and added on a mini-diving board. Sick. With lots of foliage, fences, and “KEEP OUT – Private Property” signs, this person’s backyard pool is probably the perfect oasis to escape the intense Iowa heat. Bring your friends.
4. The Secret Underground Lake Below Pints
There are few in Iowa City who know of the secret underground lake hidden 3 miles beneath Pints, and even then, they’ve only heard the rumors. We’ve confirmed that the lake is open for business summer 2020. Once used as a shelter to hide underage drinkers, the lake covers an area of over 650,000 square feet, and its shoreline is covered in rare anthodites. The bright blue water is so pure and beautiful that it frequently brings the people who view it to tears. To access this wondrous water feature, whisper the passcode into any Pints staff member’s ear: boobies.
5. The Iowa River
Look how big it is, you’ll have it all to yourself.