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  • Ashley Cimarolli



Dear Boss Man Sam from the Engagement Fair,

We hope this message reaches you well. Sam, we love you. You have touched our hearts and minds with your charming conversation and whimsical spirit. After our introduction with you at the Student Engagement Fair, we have been utterly and undyingly smitten. Whereas other people simply sauntered past our stand with boredom washed across their faces, you sir, you made us feel special. You were the Bradley Cooper to our Lady Gaga. You chatted with us and made us feel at home. And for that, we confess our love.

This whole situationship thing we’ve got going has got to get figured out soon. We’re losing sleep. We can’t focus on work or life anymore. You’re all we think about, Sam. First you say you’re a fan, then you go off and talk to some other student organization’s table? What does the rocket club have that we don’t?! Huh? And don’t you dare say functioning rockets.

Are we not the only apple of your eye, Sam? Are we fools for thinking we had you? How could we be cheated on when we never even got to play the game? How does the light of one man illuminate an entire ballroom? You, Sam, you.

You’re such an enthralling man, Sam. Your poetic charm and soft spoken voice is reminiscent of a trot through tall grass on a cool summer evening. And so, we wrote this poem, entirely by us and no one else, to encapsulate our love for you:

I am Sam. I am Sam. Sam I am.

That Sam I am! That Sam I am! I do not like that Sam I am.

Do you like green eggs and ham?

I do not like them, Sam I am.

I do not like green eggs and ham.


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