“My Camera’s Broken,” Says Student With Cardboard Box Over Head

Everyone has things they miss about the days of online school. We didn’t have to speak to anyone in the class if we didn’t want to, and if there was an awkward silence we could simply leave our laptops to water our half-dead succulents. Now that class is primarily in-person this year, our freedom to zone out and screw around has been revoked. However, one student on campus has gone to great lengths to maintain the freedoms that accompany online school. Sophomore Brad Moore has decided to relive the Zoom era by taking classes with a cardboard box over his head.

We sat down with Moore to ask him a few questions about his unusual behavior. We were going to interview him in his dorm room at Catlett, though his roommate was watching Ghost Adventures at full volume and refused to turn it down. So, we decided to move to a quieter space: one of the pod bathrooms. They were quite spacious and well designed, the only negative being the waffle stomped poop in the shower.

Moore arrived with a box over his head and his first and last name printed and taped across the middle of the box. We also wore cardboard boxes on our heads to make him feel more comfortable, even if he could not actually see our gesture. We first asked him exactly what he misses about online school.

“It was a beautiful time,” said Moore. “I didn’t have to actually interact with my peers. I could sit in my bed, eat my lunch, and take a nap all in one class period. It was also a time in which my nose was at its cleanest. I would spend at least fifteen minutes picking my nose, and nobody could judge me because they didn’t know it was happening.”

This was a very thought provoking statement.

Next, we asked if his professors have ever questioned him about his cardboard state.

“They’ve definitely asked me about it,” he said. “I just tell them the same excuse that I used to give when we were actually online. I tell them that my camera’s broken and I don’t elaborate past that. I’ve had multiple professors cuss me out and call me names such as a shitty Minecraft character or a geometric bitch. Though, none of these comments have provoked me to show my face.”

We inquired about his mental health status, asking him if maybe he acts this way due to severe social anxiety. In response, Moore taped a mute symbol that he had conveniently stored in his pocket to the front bottom corner of his box and proceeded to ignore our question. At this time, we decided to end the interview.

However, we were still curious about Moore’s behavior. So, we waited outside his dorm room and quietly followed him to his next class to see him in action.

First, Moore decided to eat his lunch (after all, it was one in the afternoon). He packed himself a meatball sub which he strategically fed himself from under his cardboard box. At one point, the sandwich started falling apart and piping hot meatballs fell on his lap. However, Moore was “muted” so he screamed and waved his hands in silence.

Later in the lecture, Moore stuck his finger up his nose, and began to dig for gold. He did this for approximately ten minutes, eating the boogers throughout the duration of that time. Moore did speak to one of his peers, though just to ask them when breakout rooms were going to start so he knew when to leave.

When the end of the lecture came, Moore removed the box from his head and exited the lecture hall.

Though Brad Moore’s behavior may be obscure, it reflects something we can agree on: the Zoom age came with many perks. Navigating in-person school is very different from online school, but I am sure we will all adjust at some point. If we don’t, we could follow in Moore’s footsteps. After all, there are always cardboard boxes lying around that need to be put to good use.