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  • Zachary Warne

Opinion: The Bunnel is the Best Place to get Head

Clothes scattered across the Bunnel floor.

Are you looking for some good old fashioned sloppy toppy, but your dirty dingy dorm room isn’t doing it for you? Do you want to be public with your private time, but find there’s no risk in using your floor’s resident lounge?

Let me introduce you to a place that will let you be blown away (pun intended): The Bunnel.

Deep in the depths of Burge and Daum, this exotic location is practically waiting for you promiscuous little scoundrels to go to the third building in Poundtown together. The mysterious atmosphere of the tiled chlorinated corridor provides a slight draft, the perfect environment to practice your slurpy herky technique.

Nothing sets the mood better than the complete, sexy, and empty silence of the corridor, only occasionally broken up by the footsteps of mysterious strangers, who have accepted that here, down under, is the best place to get down under.

Some people will try to tell you that the best place to get or give head on campus is next to Rusty, the giant sloth, in the University of Iowa Museum of Natural History. While I can understand the sensual nature of having Rusty’s soulless, uncaring eyes gaze into yours as you reach climax, it is in no way compared to the raw energy of being lustily pressed against the mysterious stain on the wall. If you get it then you get it.

See the sights. Explore the campus. Go get or give head in the Bunnel. Welcome to the University of Iowa.


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