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  • Doily Allergen

Professor Announces Surprise Six-Day Midterm

kid with papers

Day 1

The midterm started around 3:30. After about two hours of taking it Professor Reff said it was going to be an overnight exam, which is weird but I brought some granola bars so that should hold me over. Some students asked if this was normal for these types of classes but Reff just waved his hand at us without actually replying. Looks like we’re really in for the night.

Day 2

I’m out of granola bars. A lot of the other students have started complaining but ultimately we’re just trying to finish this fucking exam. The pencils handed out to us have graphite that breaks every third bubble. If we try to sneak one of our own out, Professor Reff slaps it away. The sound of the mechanical pencil sharpener has become some sort of auditory insanity.

Day 3

I’m so hungry. We’re all hungry. We’ve started slipping messages under the door but no one has come yet. We can’t hear anyone outside. Someone slipped a gum wrapper back to us with a smiley face drawn on it but that’s it.

Day 4

The Professor started playing Spongebob Trap albums. Someone asked him to stop but he just laughed and turned the volume up. When will this hell end? Have I deserved this somehow?

Day 5

God, are you there?

Day 6

The midterm went really well! Professor Reff truly showed us the way and I’ve learned a lot thus far this semester. This was one of the best midterms I’ve ever taken and I honestly can say that I’ve come away with the knowledge of a thousand. Not only do I know what to do if the sun dies, but how to act when a building is put on fire by a rogue firefighter. When I finally walk out of this lecture hall, I will be a better man for it. Professor Reff’s wisdom will make it so.




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