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  • Doily Allergen

Study Finds That All Your Friends Actually Hate You


sad man

In a shocking new investigation conducted by the Cremers Foundation, researchers found that all of your friends secretly hate you. Yes, you reading this. Every single one of your friends hate you and think you’re annoying. Researchers found that you roughly make up 85-90% butt of jokes as well as 50-52% talks behind your back.


Empirical lab results showed that your brain is correct in telling you that all your friends remember that embarrassing thing you did five years and three months ago, and they still make fun of it to this day. It was also revealed that your crush knows all about it and would never date you even if you were the last person on Earth.


Researchers further hypothesized that there is a second group chat that you’re not in where all your supposed friends talk about the dumb things you say as well as that one time you mispronounced a word like an idiot. This would add to their theory that you, yes you, are the last resort 98-99% of the time. They found that you are what is known in the scientific community as a “total buzzkill.”


However, in a separate study it was found that no matter what your friend group does, they’re stuck with you.

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