Summit Finally Cleaned
Popular Iowa City bar, Summit, announced a series of changes in light of social distancing measures, including its first-ever cleaning.
“It started off as a bit of a joke. We were really bored, and we were tired of watching Netflix all day. So I thought, you know what, why don’t we clean a bit? We bought soap, rags, and mops. Personally, I had only seen pictures of mops, so it was a wild experience,” said Summit manager Tim Zickermann. “We cleaned the counters, the chairs, and that table that Brittany always dances on after too many vodka sodas. The results were insane! You could walk on the floor without your shoes sticking to the thirty layers of grime, spilled drinks, sweat, and Juul pod juice.”
According to the Iowa State Historical Society, this was the first time that Summit has ever been cleaned. In 2002, someone accidentally spilled water on the counter. However, this incident was named a ‘party foul’ rather than an intentional, hygienic effort.
“It’s a little known fact, but the lack of cleaning was completely intentional. We saw the scumminess as more of a brand thing. Like, you go to Summit and you’re going to come into contact with unidentified liquids. It’s what our clientele has come to love and expect of us. It’s the Summit experience and we delivered consistently,” said Zickermann. “But this whole cleanliness thing has really switched up the game. Did you know we had a DJ booth? I had no clue! I could never see through the smog! Everything looks so good now and the staff finally stopped catching weird diseases. Also, we put scented candles in the bathroom. Summer breeze with rose petals. It. Smells. Heavenly.”
Zickermann said Summit would make cleaning a semi-regular habit if they can remember, and has since invested in not one, but two bottles of Windex.
“Step aside Clinton Street Social Club,” he said. “The Jungle is coming for ya.”