Supreme Court Hears Ruling to Silence The Doily Allergen

The United States Supreme Court has called The Doily Allergen to Washington for speaking truth and fact far too often. The University of Iowa’s only newspaper will have to testify before the Supreme Court as to why they should be allowed to continue providing the residents of Iowa City with reliable, credible, painstakingly-crafted news every weekday and sometimes on weekends.

Isn’t it odd how every time we’re about to go on break, some strange unforeseen circumstances prevent us from running the newspaper, and then we always happen to return right when the next semester begins?

Like, we swear it’s not our fault, guys. You’ve got to trust us.

Anyways, The DA is expected to lose the case because they hired a transgender lawyer, who has prepared a well-constructed and infallible case, but the justices stopped reading and already made their decision after they saw “transgender lawyer.”