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  • D Will

Trans YAFman

trans yafman

“If one black man, aided by a bevy of good, decent, dedicated, open-, and liberal-minded whites and Jews can succeed in prevailing over a group of white racists by making them look like the ignorant fools they truly are, then imagine what a nation of like-minded individuals can accomplish.” – Ron Stalworth, Black Klansman



All of this began in August 2023. As a new first-year from South Carolina I didn’t know anyone at the University of Iowa, I jumped at any chance I saw for the opportunity to make some friends. I wasn’t going to let my freshman year go to waste alone. I spent all of OnIowa! week trying to meet new people to no avail, my roommate was an antisocial anomaly, and my classes were full of sweaty frat guys that I didn’t think would be too open to befriending a transgender man.


I felt hopeless of any social interaction until I saw it printed on an advertisement: Student Engagement Fair! This Wednesday!


What better way to meet new people than to join a club? I didn’t know what I wanted to join. All I did in high school was band, but I refused for my fresh identity to be considered a band kid.


I arrived at the Engagement Fair with no expectations. Nothing sounded particularly interesting or stood out to me until I saw one table with a large print of Lady Liberty’s torch on their banner. The words Iowa YAF sat right below the torch.


I knew what YAF was because my high school’s student body president created a high school chapter of YAF because he had a passion for “stopping the future abuse of the white race.”


You know what? I thought, Why not? I was ready to cause some havoc, knowing just the sight of a trans person would most likely make a conservative's head pop like a balloon. I approached the table with a smug smirk on my face.


“Hello,” one of the members said to me, so friendly to the point that it was uncanny. He was a tall white man, clean shaven, wearing a white dress shirt and slacks despite the 80 degree weather. “Are you interested in protecting your rights on campus?”


I was unsure what to say. This was not the greeting I expected. You’re a YAF member that wants to protect a trans person’s rights?


“Sure,” I said, unable to concoct a sarcastic remark to that greeting on the spot.


“Have you ever heard of YAF?”


“Yes, of course.”


“Good!” The YAF member got excited. He then went into his scripted spiel on YAF’s cause; he rambled about “representing conservative voice,” “upholding Christian values,” “exposing woke lies,” and “raising detransitioning awareness.”


The last one struck me the most. Could he not tell I’m trans?


“If you’re interested in joining, you can join our GroupMe or send us an email,” he said, handing me a flier with a QR code on it.


That’s when it hit me: he thought I was cisgender. I figured he was humoring me while plotting how he was going to commit a hate crime against me after the fair. No, he thought I was a bigoted, cisgender male like himself.


“Oh, thanks,” I said. I walked away confused.


That night, I contemplated if I should make the right decision and throw away the flier or do what my gut instinct of causing chaos told me.



Hi! I met you guys at the Engagement Fair. I think we share many of the same ambitions. I am interested in joining your club!


Best,

Dick Mann



I don’t know what came over me. One minute I was debating if I should even type the email, the next minute it was sent. Too late now. Dick Mann isn’t even my real name, I guess I had to think of the most masculine alias possible.


I wasn’t expecting a response until, not even a day later, I received a reply from the email RealMen@cissy.com:



Hello Dick,


Thank you for your interest in joining Iowa YAF. Before we can offer you membership, tell me, why do you want to join our cause?


Regards,

Uber Male



I was shocked because I hadn’t expected to make it this far. I appreciated the alias “Uber Male;” it made me think that maybe I should have come up with an overexaggerated name. Maybe just “ALPHA,” or something. Uber Male would love that, I’m sure. When composing my response, I didn’t stare at my screen for longer than a second before the perfect message popped into my head.



Hello Uber,


Yes, I want to join Iowa YAF because, personally—and the mob would call this “offensive”—but I simply hate trans people and want to stop future abuse of our population’s genitals. Actually, my sister was recently involved with a trans “man,” and every time I think about her putting her filthy womanly fingers on her pure cisgender body, I get disgusted and sick to my stomach. Sorry, but I’m not sorry to admit it.


Thanks for your consideration,

Dick



This was the point of no return. Either he called me sick, or he—more likely—agreed with me. It was all or nothing for me.



Dick,


Someone had to say it! You know what? You get it. It’s men like you who YAF is looking for. I think we’ll get along nicely, Dick. I want to personally invite you to join our organization—if you’re still interested, that is. Our next meeting is Monday night. 7 PM. IMU. The unlabeled set of doors across the hall from the Hawkeye Room. There will be a tall, skinny, hippie-looking white guy with a Fu Manchu mustache, smoking a cigar at the doors. He’ll meet you, then if it all looks okay, he’ll take you to me. How will we recognize you?


With pride,

Uber Male

 


I felt like a deception mastermind, but I wasn’t out of the woods yet. How will you recognize me? I was still shocked that I passed enough to not be identified as a trans man during the engagement fair. Would this Fu Manchu guy be more observant?



Mr. Uber,


Yes, I am about five foot six, a hundred sixty pounds, I have dark hair, and a mustache.


Dick



Technically, I only bent the truth slightly. I’m 5’4” and 140 lbs. But, hey! If anything, it makes me more of a man to lie about my height.


I showed up to the IMU with my armpits caked in sweat. All or nothing, I kept telling myself. And, so what if they manage to see beyond the testosterone tablets? What's the worst that could happen? I didn’t think I wanted to find out. The mustached man stood exactly as he was blocked out: standing at the doors with a lit cigar in his mouth. Only thing was that he didn’t exactly fit the description. He was actually only slightly taller than myself and his mustache was nowhere near a Fu Manchu—it was more akin to a certain German dictator’s.


“Hello,” I said. “I am Dick.” I attempted to act like your typical frat guy to the best of my ability.


The man looked up and down the hall, presumably checking if I was followed. After the coast proved to be clear, he scanned my body. “You born with a dick?”


I laughed. It wasn’t even a disingenuous laugh; I thought it was a wild first sentence to say to anyone, transphobe or not. “Of course, what do I look like to you?” I said.


“Just checking.”


He turned around and opened the doors to reveal a dark hallway with blank walls. I followed closely behind as he led me down this corridor. We turned a corner and went through another set of doors to a large room where the meeting was clearly being held.


I nearly gasped as I saw the decor they put up, I don’t know, I guess to set the mood for the meeting or something. Don’t Tread On Me flags, Full Send flags, and to top it all off: black and white striped flags (which I presumed were heterosexual pride flags) arranged on the ceiling in the shape of a swastika. Each member wore a large white hood that peaked into the shape of a cone.


At one end of the room was a small stage and a podium with the Iowa YAF logo displayed on the front. Behind the podium stood who I assumed to be the Grand Wizard of this chapter. I never saw them at the Engagement Fair. They were the only other person in the room besides me and the man that greeted me not wearing a white hood. What struck me most is that the Grand Wizard appeared to be a black woman. Did the other members even know this? They must know, she’s standing right in front of them!


When she saw me enter, she hopped down from the stage and approached me. “You must be Dick!”


“Yes,” I said nervously.


“Welcome, I’m the person who has been emailing you.”


“You’re Uber Male?”


“Yes.”


I wasn’t going to think anything of it, but I remember I had to think like a bigot, like Dick Mann. Even though gender has nothing to do with appearance, Dick would assume this person to be a woman, therefore she must be a woman.


“But you look like a woman.”


She laughed. “I am a woman, purebred. Don’t worry, the name is just a cover to not put off prospective members.


You have to have a “cover” to not scare off the white supremacists from joining?


“Right, that makes sense.”


“Take a seat. The meeting is going to begin soon.”


“Do… I need a hood?”


“We’ll get your measurements and order you one after this meeting, but you have to pay for it. Capitalism and all, you get it.”


That’s not what capitalism is.


I searched through the aisles of seats. They were lined up like a Christian church service, with Uber Male being the preacher. The other members turned their heads as I searched for the right seat. Their eyes stared at me through their hoods. It was one of the most off-putting sights I’ve ever witnessed.


I was the last person to find a seat. Not long after sitting down, Uber Male returned to the podium and began her lecture.


“Thank you, brothers,” she said. “I’m glad you could all join us today. Firstly, let us pray.”


Everyone put their hands together and bowed their heads in synchronized motion. I followed along.


“Thank you, great, white Jesus for blessing us with the inherent superiority over the other animals the woke mob tries to label as ‘humans.’ May you grace us with your wisdom to enact vengeful wrath upon all minorities at this University and to spread hate among our community.”


“god bless Ronald Reagan,” they all said in unison. “Amen.”


“Thank you, brothers,” Uber Male continued. “The first item on our agenda has to do with my Biology gen ed.”


The YAF members collectively gasped.


“I know, I know. Biology classes are supposed to be a safe space for us, but not even facts and reason are safe from DEI. When I was in lecture, the professor had the audacity to falsely claim that humans ‘evolved’ from monkeys or something like that. Obviously, god has granted us the wisdom to know better. I could understand the non-whites and the homosexuals having animal ancestors, but humans? Seriously? Absolutely not. We need to take a stance against DEI infecting Biology!”


I don’t know why I was surprised. Humans aren’t even evolved from monkeys, but I guess that’s too difficult of a concept to grasp.


“I believe that the only effective way to solve this issue is to litter the pavements with chalk messages about the liberal lies Barbara Wilson is feeding us!”


Everyone shouted low-pitched chants of approval.


“Our next item on the agenda was brought to me by Robert. Before I say anything, could we please prepare the puke buckets?”


Every member reached under their seats and pulled out a small bucket and placed it in their laps. I looked under my chair to find my own puke bucket.


“He says that he has been stalking a gay couple for the last four weeks.”


The men interrupted Uber Male with a round of applause for Robert.


“A few nights ago, when he was watching them through their bedroom window, he saw them touch hands.”


At least half of the men in the room instantly vomited into their buckets. The other half gasped in horror.


“Is this the kind of future we’re heading toward? I can find no one to blame but elementary school teachers! We need to urge the Iowa Congress to lower public school teacher salaries and make sure parents can sue their kids’ teachers for any reason they see fit!”


The men once again shouted in agreement.


“The third item on our agenda—and potentially the most disgusting item—has to do with when I was shopping at Target last night. I was looking for a toy for my baby nephew’s birthday. I wanted something hypermasculine to ensure he doesn’t grow up into one of those men that cuts their dick off. I was walking down the toy aisle when I saw it: they took the Mr. out of Mr. Potato Head! It’s just some androgynous freak known as Potato Head now!”


The men could barely contain their anger. Most of them jumped out of their seats and shouted transphobic remarks at Uber Male as if they were speaking directly with the Hasbro CEO.


“I can’t even get a male toy to validate my nephew’s masculinity anymore?” Uber Male shouted. “We need to take this directly to the Target downtown because I’m sure they had everything to do with Mr. Potato Head being changed to Potato Head, and there is definitely something they can do about it!”


The energy in the room peaked and I felt like the men were about to stampede out of the room and head straight for Target until I stood up and shouted over the ruckus.


“I’m transgender!” I said. I don’t know what came over me. At that moment, the commotion halted and all the men turned to look at me in confusion. I had no idea what was going through their heads, but I knew I was about to quickly regret what I had done.


Then, they all laughed hysterically.


“Good one, Dick!” Uber Male said. “I think you’re gonna fit it just fine here!”


The laughter continued.


“No,” I said, “I’m not kidding. I’m transgender.”


Some men looked around to get a read on each other's reactions, unsure if they should continue laughing or not.


“You’ll never be a woman!” a voice shouted from the crowd.


The crowd mentality caused the men to erupt in anger, agreeing that I’ll always have a penis and that I’ll never be a real woman.”


The hooded men started to approach me, but I bolted for the door to get out of there. I instantly regretted my decision, but what’s done is done. I managed to escape with my life, but it all turned out for the better.


Since then, whenever a YAF member sees me around campus, they always give me a sarcastic, “What’s up, dude?” or a, “Hey, bro,” always making sure to accentuate the masculine terms. I now have a hoard of bigots giving me gender euphoria wherever I go.


The first place I thought to report my experience to was the Doily Allergen, the University of Iowa’s most prestigious and most trusted news source (which was not a hard title to achieve since they are UIowa’s only news source).


Thank you for reading my tale.


Remember, Iowa YAF is just a cover. In reality, it’s an excuse for young Neo-Nazis and Klan members to have a safe space on college campuses. They do not exercise their right to free speech, they spread hate speech and mask it as free speech. It is every sane student’s responsibility to make it clear that they are not welcome on our campus.

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