UI Campus Police Offering $20 To Anyone Willing To Ask Orange Figure On Pentacrest What It’s Doing
In an emergency press conference held this afternoon, UI Campus Police offered twenty dollars to anyone with the balls to approach that strange orange figure on the Pentacrest lawn and ask it what it’s doing.
“We’re totally freaked down here,” said Campus Police Chief Hank Beauregard. “Whoever they are, they’re giving us a serious case of the willies.”
The figure, clothed entirely in neon orange, was first spotted on the Pentacrest lawn early this morning. The figure has yet to communicate in any way aside from slow hip gyrations and a series of indecipherable arm movements. Its motives are unknown.
“We have yet to ascertain whether this is some sort of protest, or performance art, or demonic summoning ritual,” said Chief Beauregard. “So if somebody could run up there and sort that out we’d really appreciate it. Remember, there’s twenty big ones in it for you.”
At press time, the prize had yet to be claimed. The figure could be seen gazing deep into onlooker’s souls, laying bare their worst flaws and deepest secrets for all the world to see.