UI Student Dies At “Among Us” Party Under Sus Circumstances
Iowa City Police arrived at Catlett Residence Hall Tuesday after a UI student was reported dead under “sus” circumstances at an Among Us party.
ICPD Detective Robert White spoke at a press conference Wednesday, which began with a series of intense questioning from reporters, most of which were simply “where.”
“Jesus fucking Christ,” White told journalists. “If you’d stop asking all at once I could tell you!”
White explained that the victim, freshman Grant Brown, was found in the Burge cafeteria completely severed in half. So far ICPD’s only lead is that the organizer of the game, Emily Black, is innocent, as she was spotted taking out the trash. Current suspects include Michelle Redd, who according to her roommate has not done a single chore since moving in.
“Frankly, we don’t have very many leads,” White said. “Nevertheless, the other attendees of the Among Us party should not be concerned. If we simply go back to doing our homework and daily tasks, this will end soon enough. In the meantime, we at the ICPD promise to find Brown’s killer and launch them into the cold heart of space where they belong.”
Members of the community remain nervous, however, with some beginning to question if the ICPD investigation might be hindered from within. According to Officer Carla Greene, “White sus.”