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We Sent A Lone Gay Into A Gender & Sexuality Class

D Will

Why Are There Only Cishets in Those Classes?


With Sylly Week finally over, one of our reporters felt they had enough information to report back to us on a particular class we forced them to enroll in. What may that class be, you ask? None other than a Gender & Sexuality class.


Some suspicious things have been happening around the University of Iowa as of recent… The College of Liberal Arts and Sciences renamed the Diversity and Inclusion Gen Ed to “Understanding Cultural Perspectives” … for no particular reason… And the university just so happens to offer fewer and fewer classes about gender and sexuality each semester. Funny…


Want to know what’s even funnier? There seems to be a common denominator among the demographic of students who take these gender and sexuality classes. THEY’RE ALL CISGENDER AND HETEROSEXUAL!!


How do we know this? Don’t ask. (We don’t.)


But we have a hunch! Why are those classes always full, huh? Have you ever met a queer person taking one of those classes? Exactly. We all know cishet people don’t care about queer people—even the “allies.” It’s common sense. So what the heck are they doing in those classes? We needed to find out.


And who better to conduct this investigation than a gay? So we forced one of our writers to detransition and become straight in order to meet the prerequisites to enroll in the course.


The writer returned to us reporting that the moment they entered the classroom, every head in the class turned to stare at them, but didn’t say anything, instead opting to silently judge, knowing they were a faker. Apparently they could smell the homosexual tendencies from a mile away.


Once class started, everyone went around and said their name and pronouns. Every woman in the class made it absolutely, unmistakably clear that they are cisgender, but they had a tomboy phase in middle school, so they don’t mind if you use they/them pronouns to refer to them every once in a while. Every man in the class said things along the lines of “I’m a he, I guess,” “I’m a man, so those ones,” or “I don’t have pronouns.”


Our reporter managed to catch a quick interview with one of the men in the class—who responded “Whatever, I guess. I don’t care about pronouns” when it was xir time to introduce xirself. We love men adopting neopronouns in 2025! Our reporter asked why xe decided to enroll in a Gender & Sexuality class. Xe said xe needed the DEI (Understanding Cultural Perspectives) credit for xir degree. Incredible!


Our reporter then asked one of the women in the class why she enrolled. “As a teenager I had this huge phase where I was obsessed with Fall Out Boy and the color black. Thankfully I got over that, but I feel like the subject matter of this class would really resonate with me. I just understand transness on a deeper level than most people.”


“What about trans people?” our reporter asked.


“Oh! Yeah! I forgot they were real.”


Apparently our reporter was asking too many questions, because the other people in the class began to question if they were secretly queer. They began to sweat, knowing the jig was up.


The professor and the other students in the class promptly kicked them out of the Gender & Sexuality class for being queer because cis people can’t bear having to interact with a trans person for even a second.


Our findings: cis people love to say they are allies and that they defend trans rights, but it’s almost always performative, and when it comes to actually interacting with and supporting trans people, these self-proclaimed allies are nowhere to be found. Especially when it comes to a Gender & Sexuality class, a space that should be predominantly full of queer people in theory, but is instead plagued with cissies who want some extra moral superiority points on their belt without having to actually do anything to support trans people.


Does this issue have anything to do with cishet people enrolling in Gender & Sexuality classes? No. But we still have a hunch!

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