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  • Molly Higgins

Weird: You Just Made Eye Contact with Your Professor Bench Pressing like a MF in the CRWC

Uh-oh. When you’ve just finished with a strenuous workout, there’s nothing you want more than to go home without any major happenings along the way. However, this time, you’ve just experienced something that will forever shape the way you view Dr. Amanda Jensen, your Introduction to Sociology professor. While walking past the free weight section on the way out, you suddenly make eye contact with her in the middle of her extremely impressive bench press.

The same woman who outlined the theories of the family structure to you at 9:30 this morning is now lifting 225 lbs without even breaking that much of a sweat? No way.

You had never seen this coming. After all, Dr. Jensen usually wears ill-fitting blazers and shapeless slacks to your Tuesday-Thursday lectures. You had no way of knowing she was ripped. Now, under her fitted yet sensible workout top and mid-length gym shorts, her hard-earned gains are shockingly visible.

You only locked eyes with Dr. Jensen for a moment before continuing on your way out, almost jolted aback by the unexpected sight. However, the image of her pumping iron is now seared into your brain. Before descending the staircase, you take one final look behind you and catch her guzzling a strawberry-flavored protein shake like it’s the last thing she’ll ever drink.

Doily reporters reached out to your friends to see how you’ve been taking this. They say you’ve joked about it in the group chat, but that it wasn’t anything more than a funny coincidence. However, our investigative sources tell us otherwise: you’ve been lying awake at night, unable to fall asleep, thinking of Dr. Jensen as she flexes every muscle in her body to take on the barbell with perfect form. Not in an obsessive or erotic way, no. Just in a way that questions the human condition. Before this experience, Dr. Jensen had only existed in the mental, intangible plane of your brain. Her only purpose in your life was to convey the vague concepts of sociology. But now, she’s suddenly taken on a physical form; she exists within a (very muscular) human body. Why do humans feel such a disconnect between the physical and the spiritual? What determines our perception of others as either minds or bodies? What is the meaning of all of this? Why are we here?

Doily reporters also reached out to Dr. Jensen to find out more about her exercise habits.

“Maintaining healthy habits and improving my strength has become even more important to me as I transition into an older age,” Dr. Jensen said. “Plus, my husband likes these biceps too, if you know what I mean.”

Ew. We did not need to hear that.

Anyways, it goes without saying that making eye contact in SOC:1010 lectures is a little harder for you now. Perhaps one day you’ll work up the courage to ask her for some bulking tips.


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