YAF D&D Group Reunites After Break Hiatus
Casting “Sleep” on the Woke Left

Wizards and witches (and NOBODY in between), rejoice! Your favorite tabletop gaming scene hasn’t gone completely woke yet! Our good friends (fact check: untrue) at the Iowa Young Adventurers for Fireball are putting the “American” in “fantasy”, much in the same way they put it in everything else: annoyingly and without any real grounds to do so.
Last semester, we at the Doily Allergen came upon a curious flyer for a “YAF D&D Group”, promising to deliver an “exciting adventure full of individual liberty, free enterprise, strong national defense, and traditional values”. This surprised us, because we weren’t aware that YAF members were able to read the Player’s Handbook, but we were very busy dealing with the rapture of Sign Guy, so we dealt with it the way we deal with all YAF posters: tearing it down and throwing it in the nearest garbage can (because recycling is woke).
However, recently, the poster has found its way back onto EPB halls with a new request… for a cleric. Seeing as they seem to be going strong (and suddenly interested in free healthcare, to boot), we figured it might be a good time to check in.
“So far, the campaign has been a lot of fun,” YAF Dungeon Master Mark told us, “They fought the Dragon of Elemental Incursion before we left off, after fighting through the Awakened Mob, to stop it from erecting the Tower of 5 Gorgons, which would’ve castrated all the men and killed all of the unborn children in King Donald’s land.”
He leaned in close to our correspondent. “But what they don’t know is that the Awakened Mind Plague is still alive, and seeping through into the population with the help of Scholar’s Guild, changing people’s genders and making them all drink soy.”
“So, yeah, we’re basically taking the politics out of D&D.”
Mark’s players seem to have differing opinions on the game so far. Brian, who plays the group’s “red-blooded, orc-killing, lib-smashing” paladin Egon Must, has had nothing but praise for Mark’s “brave storytelling” and particularly praised the session that had them “storming the palace to stop the unlawful coronation of the barbarian king Crooked Joe”.
Another player, Dan (player of the party’s vigilante rogue Francis Castle), praised Mark’s “resistance to the woke agenda”, but noted that player agency seemed kind of restricted. “Our old cleric wanted to play a druid initially, but Mark blew up at him about being a tree hugger. Then he rolled really bad stats, but Mark wouldn’t let him use the standard array because it’s socialist or something. I think the breaking point for him was when the Dragon of Elemental Incursion downed us all in one turn and King Donald had to show up to kill it and tear down the Tower of 5 Gorgons for us. It was a bummer, honestly. Felt like kind of a handout.”
The last member of the group (who requested to remain unnamed because “the media’s out to get him”) plays [character name omitted because we can’t use those words], the grandest wizard of them all. He told us the real scoop. “Mark’s gone woke, I’m telling you,” he said, gripping our correspondent by the shoulders, “His world’s full of pagan gods, and [omitted], and women that speak! It’s ridiculous! I play games to escape, why can’t we just have this?”
Before our correspondent left, the table broke out into a discussion about how D&D was “catering to the woke left” these days. Our ever helpful correspondent offered that, if they’re so upset about 5th edition, then they could always go back to 1st or 2nd or even 3rd. A hush fell across the table as they all stared wide-eyed at our correspondent.
“There’s more than one edition?!”
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