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  • Ev Walters

Yotopia FINALLY Takes a Good Stance: Yogurt Males Welcome

yogurt male at yotopia

Yotopia has been in Iowa City since September 2011, and since then, it has made many of its political allegiances known. From the pride flag in the window to the anything but subtle ‘Women-Owned Business’ and ‘Black Lives Matter’ signs, it’s been pretty clear that they’ve been more than sympathetic to a LIBERAL agenda. That meant it didn’t deserve any of my hard-earned Republican dollars. However, a recent update has led to the game-changer of a lifetime. 

The windows on the storefront right next to the Yotopia entrance have been displaying big, beautiful Trump 2024 posters. It’s enough to make a red-blooded American man cry–or, express their feelings in a manly masculine way. Even more than that, in my expert knowledge that I refuse to fact check, this proximity implies that this yogurt shop is no longer only catering to women or the gays, but to based, conservative yogurt males (like me). 

This audience is probably full of snowflakes and sissies who don’t understand what a yogurt male is. Basically, it’s better than both alpha AND sigma males. It is the pinnacle of male behavior. We are strong, intelligent, and indulge in sweet, tasty treats. You may snicker and guffaw, but if you think we’re lesser men, you’ll be sorry. 

We don’t care if we offend you. We’re REAL men who don’t care about your pronoun nonsense or PC culture. The only cultures we care about are the active ones in yogurt. We sprinklemaxx. We mew in between spoonfuls of that yummy, yummy creamy goodness (no homo). And now, we can embrace this Yotopia location as the new safe space (hangout spot) for like-minded individuals. 

This marks a new era for yogurt males, conservatives, and even YAF. YAF will now henceforth be holding their meetings in this Yotopia location, and there is NOTHING you will be able to do to stop it. Now they can continue their mission to support based conservatives in thriving in this increasingly woke world we live in while partaking in a scrumptious snack

YAF will even be temporarily changing their title to Young Americans for Froyo, because finally, after an eternity of propaganda from the radical ANTIFA left, we’ve broken free. Freedom and froyo are once again synonymous.


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