UI Student Section

Student Accidentally Sleeps Through Entire Semester

The post-class nap is a proven necessity to get you through the rest of the day. For Reggie Stewart in particular, this nap hit HARD.

Student who Opted out of Duo Push Logs in to Find Homework Done and UBill Paid

University of Iowa students have a long and complicated history with Duo Push and its so-called security benefits. While the university...

All the Questions I Asked My Mom This Week

It’s that time of year - the cicadas are singing, the rain is pouring, and college students all throughout Iowa City are realizing they...

Woman Who Still Plays Wordle Just Got Job as Admissions Counselor

Great news! The woman who sits a few rows in front of you in class just got a job as an admissions counselor. In the year of our lord...

Student Spotlight: I am Elvis Reincarnated

Suppose you’re looking for trouble. You came to the right place. Long story short, I’m evil, and don’t mess around with me. I know y’all...

Student Spotlight: Student Returns From Summer Break Paler Than Before

Summer break is undoubtedly a special time for students at the University of Iowa, but it isn’t necessarily the break that we are excited...

Student Spotlight: International Relations Major Travels to Ukraine to Explain Situation to Them

The conflict between Ukraine and Russia is something everyone is aware of, though everyone’s level of knowledge about the subject...

Christian Student Knits Sweaters For Trees That Are Letting It All Hang Out

Winter is here, which means the white boys who choose to wear shorts in sub zero temperatures will emerge from their ratty apartments and...

Girl At Party Discovers Guy From Tinder Actually Fish

For those who don’t know, Tinder is a dating app frequently used by young adults. It is an application based on liking (swiping right) or...

Student Gaslight: No, Sweetheart, That’s Not What Happened

In an era of misinformation and “fact-checking” it can be hard to know what the truth is, and when someone is lying to you. This is...

“Can I Run My Stand-Up Set By You?” Asks Friend of A Friend

It happened on a night like any other. Jessica Hamm was microwaving her Velveeta Mac n’ Cheese dinner and getting ready to study for...

How This Student Learned The Trick to Stealing Food From The Dining Hall: Doily Allergen Special Rep

Since the dawn of man, people have been asking the same questions: “Is there a God?” “What is the meaning of life?” “How can I steal as...

Student Spotlight: My RA Gave Me “The Talk” During Hawk Talk

It was a day just like any other. I was walking home from my last class of the day in Seamans Center when I heard a group of guys...

Piece of Shit Changes Seats

With the fall semester well underway, most of the student body has fallen back into the routines of the school year. Walking to the same...

Disoriented, Starved Senior Emerges From Lindquist Center After Being Lost, Presumed Dead For Weeks

Iowa City residents can rest easier tonight after Jared Johanssen, the UI senior believed to have been dead for two weeks after getting...

UI Parking and Transportation to Ticket Students for Standing Still Too Long

The Department of Parking and Transportation is well-known for pissing students off. You park your car for an hour and if you stay ten...

Freshman In Critical Condition After Mistaking Swarm of Wasps For On Iowa Leader

Mass confusion between On Iowa shirts and bees enjoying the summer heat came to a head yesterday, after freshman Cameron Rothman was...

Student Spotlight: This Trendsetter Just Discovered Making Sourdough In Quarantine

In our fifteenth month of the COVID-19 pandemic, one student has picked up a new, groundbreaking hobby that’s sure to catch on: baking...

“I Am Immune!” Declares Fully Vaccinated Student With 3 STI’s

Good news was shared by local finance major, James Adrian, as the fully vaccinated student now claims he is back to full health,...

Sleep Schedule Interfering With Student’s Adderall Use

Local architecture major Rasmus Schlooter has found himself having to put aside his Adderall use after falling back into the pits of a...