If you’re like us, you may have noticed that the world is getting more and more ridiculous with each passing day. Even renowned—if...

With finals rapidly approaching and no sign of time magically stopping, students across campus have been scrambling to complete papers...

In the name of the Father, the Son, and the Holy Hawk, amen.

HOW DID HE DO IT?? Look, we’ve all been there.  Reports from all of your professors came in this week, and yup, that guy in the back of...

Have you ever sat at the dining hall and thought midway through your meal, “why on earth are they playing this music?” Recent rumors...

As the school year draws to a close and the weather gets warmer, partygoers flock downtown in hordes. This weekend, to no one’s shock,...

The One Place They Didn’t Want to Do That Over the last few months, different departments all across the University have been losing...

Get a Grip! Freshman Cinema Major, Kyle Godfrey, has picked himself up by his bootstraps; as well as several  pounds of recording...

Cuts to the University’s budget are being felt by everyone across campus, including President Barbara Wilson. Now, with the potentially...

He will come in glory to judge the living and the dead, and his sign will have no end For those of you tuned into all things annoyingly...

Yesterday morning, members of the Campus Activities Board were shocked to find that the eggs they had painstakingly painted and hidden...

Maybe Some Other Time! BREAKING: In a shocking move on both religious and political fronts, Pontius Pilate—Governor of Judaea—has...

Documentary Coming Soon Four days ago, students all across campus were horrified to learn that the beloved Street Hawk Food Truck had...

Student’s wages will be garnished as compensation

Muse, sing to me the rage, The awesome rage of Bradrick, son of some guy, Whose epic pranks brought countless woes upon campus security,...

Recent research finds that roughly 57% of the species “Cool Hot Person” that exists within the general population at the University of...

Well, spring has officially sprung, which means longer days, flowers blooming, and, of course, the ‘You Honk, We Drink’ Guys. Nothing...

Go, white girl, go! Vivian Williams (local student, pescatarian; analog purist) throws her bleached wolf cut into a messy top knot,...

Last week, one brave – or possibly stupid – freshman had the horrifying audacity to hold a Foundations of the English Major lecture hall,...

Why do they