Opinion

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Opinion: Cantaloupe is the Woke Liberal Agenda

My Therapist Told Me to Be Less Funny, So I Joined The Doily Allergen

Hey, everyone. My name’s Carl, aka Rizz-Man to my friends, which I have, and I’m a new writer here at The Dilly Elephant . Sorry, what is...

Crucifact or Crucifixion: The TRUE Nature of Good Friday

WHAT’S UP, gamers and readers of the EXTREMELY fabulous Doily Allergen? Today, I’m coming at you LIVE (or as live as the written word can...

Opinion: We Should Moon the Tour Groups

Tired of those pesky parents parading around your campus like they own the place? Do you get whiplash from those big yellow bags? Tired...

Opinion: Snow

You’ve all heard about it. It’s everywhere in the news lately. In fact, I’d go so far as to call it one of America’s most polarizing...

Opinion: Band Kids Are Too Damn Horny

Remember that couple from high school that were always a little too close for comfort? Don’t you think it’s ironic that the couple that...

Opinion: Danny’s Birthday is in Five Months

April 28. Mark your calendars.

Opinion: Halloween Should Be on Tuesday Every Year

Halloween is upon us, and that means the culmination of the entire spooky season — a time for parties, trick-or-treating, and going out...

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Opinion: Just Learn How to Fucking Parallel Park

According to a map from the University of Iowa’s Department of Parking and Transportation, there are 36 designated mobile payment and...

Opinion: I Would Beat President Barbara J. Wilson 6-0 in a Tennis Match

If you were to ask almost any student at the University of Iowa if they could beat President Wilson in a tennis match, they would likely...

Not Our Fault: The Recession Wouldn’t Have Happened If You, Kyle, Hadn’t Spent So Much On Defense

The Recession Wouldn’t Have Happened If You, Kyle, Hadn’t Spent So Much On National Defense This Year These are dark times indeed....

Opinion: I Miss the Old Days

Ah, hello there! My name is Gerald Patrick McDonagh, and I am the oldest member of the Doily Allergen at sixty-five years young! It’s...

Admit It: You Just Hate Powerful, Successful Women With Strong Opinions

Opinion: Is Your TA Hot, Or Did He Just Tell You That You Have Good Sentence Structure?

Listen, I get it. Online classes were a bust for meeting new people on campus, and Tinder has been about as dead as Bruce Harreld’s...

Opinion: Sure, Ethnic Cleansing Is Bad, But Is It Worse Than My Ruined Grad Photos?

I hope this isn’t offensive, but jeez, do these protesters have to be mad about Palestine right now? I’m graduating this week. Don’t they...

I Got My Town Hall To Level 13 In Clash of Clans But I Guess Women Aren’t Interested In Nice Guys

I’ve been playing a lot of this game called Clash of Clans, ever heard of it? And not to brag, but I’m getting pretty freaking amazing at...

Opinion: [REDACTED] Should [REDACTED]

Following national debates on the definition of free speech, the Doily Allergen has decided to make a stand. As of today, our action plan...

Opinion: Fuck You, Professor Walsh

I would like to use my platform as a journalist to air a specific grievance I have with someone. That’s okay, right? I don’t care. (My...