Opinion

Opinion: Danny’s Birthday is in Five Months

April 28. Mark your calendars.

Opinion: Halloween Should Be on Tuesday Every Year

Halloween is upon us, and that means the culmination of the entire spooky season — a time for parties, trick-or-treating, and going out...

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Opinion: Just Learn How to Fucking Parallel Park

According to a map from the University of Iowa’s Department of Parking and Transportation, there are 36 designated mobile payment and...

Opinion: I Would Beat President Barbara J. Wilson 6-0 in a Tennis Match

If you were to ask almost any student at the University of Iowa if they could beat President Wilson in a tennis match, they would likely...

Not Our Fault: The Recession Wouldn’t Have Happened If You, Kyle, Hadn’t Spent So Much On Defense

The Recession Wouldn’t Have Happened If You, Kyle, Hadn’t Spent So Much On National Defense This Year These are dark times indeed....

Opinion: I Miss the Old Days

Ah, hello there! My name is Gerald Patrick McDonagh, and I am the oldest member of the Doily Allergen at sixty-five years young! It’s...

Admit It: You Just Hate Powerful, Successful Women With Strong Opinions

Opinion: Is Your TA Hot, Or Did He Just Tell You That You Have Good Sentence Structure?

Listen, I get it. Online classes were a bust for meeting new people on campus, and Tinder has been about as dead as Bruce Harreld’s...

Opinion: Sure, Ethnic Cleansing Is Bad, But Is It Worse Than My Ruined Grad Photos?

I hope this isn’t offensive, but jeez, do these protesters have to be mad about Palestine right now? I’m graduating this week. Don’t they...

I Got My Town Hall To Level 13 In Clash of Clans But I Guess Women Aren’t Interested In Nice Guys

I’ve been playing a lot of this game called Clash of Clans, ever heard of it? And not to brag, but I’m getting pretty freaking amazing at...

Opinion: [REDACTED] Should [REDACTED]

Following national debates on the definition of free speech, the Doily Allergen has decided to make a stand. As of today, our action plan...

Opinion: Fuck You, Professor Walsh

I would like to use my platform as a journalist to air a specific grievance I have with someone. That’s okay, right? I don’t care. (My...

Opinion: I’m Not Too Fond of Kim Reynolds

I hate to be a Negative Nelly over here, but I gotta say I’m not the biggest fan of Gov. Kim Reynolds. Hopefully I don’t make too many...

Opinion: Someone Should Really Check On Chris Wallace

I know that The Doily Allergen is a satire news website, but guys, after the last presidential debate I’m really worried about Chris...

The Letters of The LBGTQ Acronym, As Ranked By Brad

Sup, Brad Trossen back again with another great ranking. As all the hombres know, I’m super involved in the LGB…whatever it is community....

Opinion: If You Celebrate Month Week, You Celebrate Racism

This week marks 100 years of University of Iowa’s beloved holiday, Month Week. However, the celebration that is seemingly fun and...

Opinion: What Month Week Means To Me

As Iowa City starts to ease into yet another historic Month Week, I’d like to share my personal story of how this marvelous paragon of a...

Opinion: Luka Garza Could Swallow A Basketball Whole If He Wanted To

Though their season was cut short, the Hawkeye men’s basketball team delivered one stunning performance after another this year. They got...

Opinion: Maybe I’ll Adapt To Feeling Unmotivated & Detached From Everything I Love About This Place

If you’d asked me a month ago about how I thought Spring Semester 2020 here at UI was going to go, I would have said something like...