Dear Doily

Dear Doily: You’ve Gone Woke

Dear Doily, I’ve recently noticed that as of late, it seems like some of your articles have been leaning a bit woke. Don’t get me wrong,...

Dear Doily: How Do You Beat Night 4 Without Freddy Killing You?

Dear Doily, I have been stuck on Night 4 of FNAF 1 for weeks now. I can’t figure it out. I always die to Freddy. I’ve got Bonnie, Chica,...

Dear Doily: The Moon Is Oysters

I thought the world was supposed to be my oyster. But dear God, was I wrong. Dear Doily, I humbly submit the following complaint in the...

Dear Doily: Help! I’m Full of Pus!

Dear Doily, ‘Twas a kindly summer night, Warm even past the low’ring of the sun Beyond that fateful line To which we ascribe the name...

Dear Doily: My Alumni Parents Regressed Too Hard During Family Weekend

Dear Doily, I’ve been a fan of your publication for quite a while now, but I’ve never had a reason to write in until this weekend. You...

Dear Doily: Am I The Asshole for Invading Ukraine After I Said I Wouldn’t?

Dear Doily, I (69M) am the current president of a large European superpower that was once the largest state in the Soviet Union. Anyways,...

Dear Doily: We Have Your Son

Dear Doily, We have your son. We demand $250,000 in unmarked bills by the end of the day tomorrow. If you choose not to pay, we will… uh…...

Dear Doily: What Classes Should I Take?

Dear Doily, I’m scheduled to register for my fall courses soon, but I have no idea what courses to take! I’m an open major in my second...

Dear Doily Allergen: Worried About My Dad’s Health

Dear Doily Allergen, My dad had a medical scare a few months ago and ever since I haven’t been able to shake the fear of losing him. My...