Dear Doily: Human Deworming Medication?!
Early Bird Gets Dewormed

Dear Doily,
I read some terrifying twitter thread about human deworming medication, and that a large part of the world deworms nearly every 6 months. Can you please report on this
Sincerely,
Kyle
Dear Kyle,
To start off, I want to say thank you for your urgency in sending your message out to us. As the only source of news on campus, we really wish to stress how much we appreciate hearing the true, genuine requests and feedback from our community.
That being said, some people do deworm often, especially in parts of the world where parasitic infections are common. However, you don’t need to deworm if you’re currently healthy and haven’t been told to by a doctor.
…Unless you’re a True American Patriot. Robert F. Kennedy, current United States Secretary of Health and Human Services nominee and former worm-haver, has merged actions of health monitoring and national defense in a fascinating new process.
He advises that you should regularly deworm and reworm yourself in an effort not only to flush out harmful toxins and 5Gs, but to prepare the worms of America for combat. In the process of selecting and training these worms to stand their own against the harsh anti-worm chemicals, the bravest and the strongest will be able to join us in the fighting other countries, woke, and potentially evil wizards.
Parasitic worms are an untapped market in terms of weaponry, and Americans—the innovators we are—are going to use it to its ultimate potential. We will NOT have another DeepSeek situation on our hands! So maybe you should Worm Up (patent pending) and give that dewormer the good ol’ college try. The results might surprise you.
Yours Patriotically,
The Doily Allergen
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