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  • Doily Allergen

Dear Doily: Am I The Asshole for Invading Ukraine After I Said I Wouldn’t?

invading ukraine

Dear Doily,

I (69M) am the current president of a large European superpower that was once the largest state in the Soviet Union. Anyways, basically during that time, the country of Ukraine was under the control of the Soviet Union, and a lot of people there still identify as part of my country. They speak our language and they happen to share a border with us, which I’ve got to admit, is pretty tempting. I still think of them as part of my country, but they’re being a bunch of jerks and don’t really like me all that much. Basically, an organization, which I will call BATO, straight up stole Ukraine from under our jurisdiction and robbed my country of its rightful place among the world’s great powers and has put it at the mercy of a predatory West. I literally told them over and over “don’t let Ukraine join BATO” and then that’s exactly what they did. Ukraine is part of our country! It always has been! I want Ukraine back!

This is unacceptable to me and I really want Ukraine under my control again, so I may or may not have placed 150,000 troops at the border between my country and Ukraine. And then I may or may not have set up a teeny tiny military occupation within Ukraine’s borders. And then I may or may not have just ordered a military operation within Ukraine. But it’s for their own protection! I just want to keep the peace. But then a bunch of bozos at BATO got really upset with me and I received a call from the President (79M) of a major Western power in North America. And he was all like “Hey can you withdraw your troops from Ukraine? Thanks!” and I was all like “Sure thing, no problem, I’ll get right on that.” The thing is, I had no intention of ever withdrawing my troops, and I kinda maybe want to launch a full-scale invasion of Ukraine and reunite the Soviet Union to its full and rightful glory. So anyways TLDR I did not withdraw my troops like I promised, but I feel justified because I really really wanted to and I don’t like it when the Ukrainian government says mean things about me. So, Doily Allergen, AITA?

With wam regards and cold wars,

– Platimir Vutin

Dear Platimir,

Gotta say, pretty clear YTA here. I mean you can’t just go around invading any country you like just because you feel like it’s yours. Ukraine is a sovereign nation and you need to learn to respect that. If they wanted to be a part of Russ- I mean… your country, then they would hold a referendum and vote on it. But from what you wrote, it’s pretty clear that they don’t want to recreate the glory of the Soviet Union and you need to respect their wishes. You talked a lot in your post about how this BATO feels, but did you ever stop to think about how Ukraine would feel? And how many people would be displaced, hurt, or even killed by your actions? It sounds like you’re being pretty manipulative and controlling and it’s honestly not a good look for you. So yeah, YTA.


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