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  • Byron Ellington

Opinion: Snow

snowy iowa city

You’ve all heard about it. It’s everywhere in the news lately. In fact, I’d go so far as to call it one of America’s most polarizing issues in the modern day. It’s always right versus left, extremists versus moderates, and that can get overwhelming.


So I’m here to lay it out simply: Snow.


“What is snow?” you’re probably asking. “Is it dangerous? Will it kidnap my children?” Fear not, for snow is, in my well-informed opinion, snow.


You see, snow. In that manner, snow does in fact snow. It is snow, it is cold, it is wet, and it is white. It is not, like, racially white, to be clear, just white in color. In my opinion. Also, it’s snow.


I interviewed renowned American-Russian snowologist Snedward “Edward” Snowden to get his thoughts on snow. 


“What are you talking about?” he told me. “Where did you get this number?” 


Fascinating thoughts, Mr. Snowden. That name seems familiar… oh yeah, it’s the town from Undertale! Is that why your parents wrote that on your birth snowtificate? He can’t answer that, because I only wrote it just now, in this article, which is not a conversation.


In the end, I think we can all agree that snow. And I think that’s snow.

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