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  • Doily Allergen

Breaking: UIowa Crypto Club To Sell Fake NF-IDs: “You’re legally not allowed to scan it”


uiowa crypto club

In a shocking turn of events this week, the President of the University of Iowa’s Cryptocurrency club announced earlier this week that the organization would begin to sell what they call “NF-IDs”, a form of cryptocurrency designed to identify an individual. This is in hopes of selling fake versions of these NF-IDs so underclassmen can more easily purchase alcohol.


“Our original goal was to revolutionize America’s identification system, using the blockchain to give everyone in the United States an ID-card free of charge,” said president of the Uiowa Crypto Club Dennis Morris. “Then we realized that sounded super hard and stuff, so we decided to just sell some fake-IDs to get beer money."


Morris and the other Crypto Club members decided to sell these new fake IDs on the blockchain, effectively creating what they called the world’s first “NF-IDs”. The new cards would have the ability to be displayed right on the user’s mobile device, effectively eliminating the need for traditional laminated fakes.


“We heard a lot of complaints that there was this new scanning software the bars were using to justify being fucking buzzkills,” Morris explained. “So we figured ‘hey, if we just make these IDs into NFTS, then the bars legally aren’t even allowed to scan them since they don’t own them’. It’s foolproof."


NF-IDs have become a phenomenon at the University, with nearly all minted NF-IDs being sold out within a week. Reports of vomit in residence hall lobbies are up by nearly 250%, and sales of vodka lemonade are up nearly 400% at bars throughout Iowa City. UIPD has attempted to catch these underaged drinkers, but have been unsuccessful.


“We just can’t do anything, they finally got us,” said UIPD officer Dale Whitehead. “I don’t even understand these new-fangled NF-whatevers. I tried to arrest a kid for having an open container the other night, but he just showed me a picture of a monkey in a propeller hat, and I was just absolutely flabbergasted."


The University has attempted to crack down on NF-IDs in the past few weeks, but after receiving multiple lawsuits on behalf of celebrities like Jimmy Fallon and Paris Hilton, the University has quietly backed down. All in all, it doesn’t look like the craze of NF-IDs is going to slow down anytime soon in Iowa City.

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