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  • Ashley Cimarolli

Local Middle School Football Team Beats Iowa State


iowa state loses to middle school football team

It is a dark time indeed for the world-famous Iowa State University’s football team. They have been fighting and pleading for a break that they will never get. After losing day in and day out, game after game, to every football team they’ve ever played, morale was low. They decided to challenge Coach Lemery Rick’s Middle School PeeWee Football team in a match as a way to boost their egos before the big University of Iowa game this weekend. Some question if this challenge has gone too far. Here’s what Lemery Rick, coach of the middle school team, had to say to his PeeWee team to address your concerns:


“Just have fun and try your best, kiddos!”


The middle schoolers delivered an outstanding performance throughout the first quarter. Little Johnny Rocket scored the first touchdown of the game just 30 seconds in. We knew that this was going to be a landslide win for the middle schoolers, but the degree to which these students kicked Ames’s butt is shocking.


In true Iowa State spirit, the team’s quarterback, who will remain nameless to protect his bruised ego, decided to sit out for the rest of the game once he noticed the score was 45-0.

In a shocking turn of events, this compelled Microy Jr. to step in as the new Ames quarterback after being benched on Rick’s team. He threw some balls that were so unbelievably impressive that Rick himself complimented Microy’s sheer skill and might. Of course, Microy Jr. is Lemery Rick’s middle-school-aged son who was benched because he ate his Uncrustable sandwich before cleaning his room earlier that day.


Thanks to Microy Jr’s triumphant contribution to Ames, the score was 38-45 by halftime.


Ames was just one touchdown away from getting the game tied up.


Suddenly, Little Tommy came bolting out the gates at the start of the next half bucking and screaming. This sent Microy Jr. spiraling. Ames was losing their confidence, and fast.

With little Tommy hopped up on Redbull and a ravenous taste for blood, he scored not one, not two, but THREE touchdowns for Lemery Rick’s team. It was surely a rip-roaring spectacle.


Unfortunately for Ames, Little Tommy has just been signed as the new wide receiver for the University of Iowa at just 14 years old. Ames is surely trembling in fright at the news that they will have to face off against him once more this weekend. We are in for an exceptionally compelling game this weekend. Good luck to all involved, not Iowa State though because they suck.

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