Girl Drinks Coffee, Ready to Lock In After This Five-Hour Nap

With finals rapidly approaching and no sign of time magically stopping, students across campus have been scrambling to complete papers and actually start studying. The only question is if that studying will go anywhere. Third-year Brianna Lance spoke to us about her fateful caffeine run and its disastrous consequences.

DA: Why coffee?

BL: I’m not really an energy drink guy, you know? I get a big thing of iced coffee from Dunkin’, which I know is probably more sugar than caffeine. But it helps. I think.

DA: What does your study process look like?

BL: After I pick up my coffee, I trek back to the dorm. My roommate is really into locking in at the library, but something about the lights stops me from really focusing. I like my room! It’s cozy and has plenty of places to rest… err, study.

DA: About how often do you take breaks?

BL: I try to follow what my body asks of me. So, like, if I need a brain break to scroll on my phone, or relax in my bed…

DA: Relax in your bed for how long?

BL: Just a few hours… like five…

DA: So you mean you fell asleep?

The interview ended there. The DA reached out for further comment the following day, but Lance did not respond. Maybe she was sleeping. We also feel… very sleepy…