top of page
  • Doily Allergen

Student Spotlight: Just Give Me Another Chance, Katie

crying man

Bill Rutherland, local fourth year journalism student, is currently kicking himself repeatedly for letting Katie Flannagan slip through his fingers. He knows he’s never going to find another like her.

Please, Katie, take me back. I know I made mistakes, and I know that Ryan is ten times the man I could ever be, but think about us, Katie. Think about all the times you were wildly successful, and I was also there. Remember when you got that huge research grant, and you told me all about it? Remember how I stopped playing Halo for two minutes to give you a hug?

Flannagan was not available for an interview, citing a “restraining order”, but if she were to sit down with me, I’d imagine she would say something like, “Oh Bill, of course I’ll take you back! Nothing brings me more joy than Chicken Nugget Tuesdays, and I miss the incredibly mediocre, two-minute sex.”

If you would like to be featured in the next Student Spotlight, consider lowering your standards.


Featured Articles

bottom of page