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  • Ev Walters

Barbara Wilson Dons Springlock Suit for FNAF Movie Release


barbara wilson and springtrap

Hear ye, hear ye! The Five Nights at Freddy’s movie is now in theaters! I may not be a legitimate town crier ringing my bells throughout the Iowa City streets (though my intro could have EASILY fooled you), but you will be legitimately crying with joy and terror once you see this brand-new guaranteed Blumhouse classic.


However, you, dear reader, and I were not the only ones ecstatic for this movie to release. Barbara Wilson herself has decided to engineer and wear a springlock suit, presumably in celebration of the movie’s release. A springlock suit is a special mascot suit in the Five Nights at Freddy’s canon that can both operate as an animatronic and be worn as a costume. This suit has come into controversy for being seemingly needlessly cruel to its wearers. We have sent in our top Doily Allergen employee to ask Barbara all about her decision in this tell-all interview.


AUDIO TRANSCRIPT:


Doily Allergen: Hey Barbara. The suit looks really good.


Barbara Wilson: [...]


DA: Speechless, I see. Well, what inspired you to put on the suit?


BW: [...]


DW: Can’t put words to it. That’s alright. The muse can be a fickle beast. I take it the construction took a while?


BW: [...]


DA: …Couldn’t have put it better myself. We’ll leave it to the imagination. Is there a reason you chose this instead of the traditional mascot suit?

BW: [...]


DA: Uh, huh… no, that’s alright. Uh, can you speak?


BW: [...]


DA: Well, that wasn’t a no… Is it true that you can be completely locked into and trapped in the suit if animatronic mode activates while you’re wearing it?


BW: [...]


DA: Aha… that’s… that’s great. Um. Any plans to remove the suit.


BW: [...]


DA: C-can you remove the suit?


BW: [...]


DA: Look if you didn’t want to do this interview, you could have declined, it’s fine. Just. Please answer me. Please. I need to know if you’re okay. Please. I won’t include anything you don’t want me to just please. PLEASE ANSWER ME!


BW: [MACHINE WHIRRING]


DA: What the… Barb? Barb?!


BW: [LOUDER MACHINE WHIRRING]


DA: Oh god no! No! Please… No! SOMEBODY HELP–


BW: [UNINTELLIGIBLE SHRIEK]


The audio file was the only thing recovered from the scene. Our reporter is still missing to this day. Please keep a look out for them. They’re probably off slacking in a bar or something lmao.


Enjoy the movie!

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